I just found the girls ravaging our old tape collection. They had cassettes stacked up all around them and E was beginning to pull the tapes out of the plastic casing. She was clearly enjoying the experience of watching all that brown tape strewn around her. As I reached down to grab the tape she was currently destroying I noticed it was an old sermon tape from a church we attended years and years ago.
The title of the sermon was, "Stupid Mistakes and How to Avoid Them". What a title for a sermon! As I thought about this pastor and his style of preaching my mind was flooded with memories of his sarcasm, wit, contempt and arrogance. His style of delivering the truth was caustic and harsh, still he was entertaining to listen to and often he was willing to take on hard topics. His energy and passion felt like a breath of fresh air from the deadness of the pastor at the church we'd been attending previously. I liked him at the time because his approach supported my framework of being smart to avoid dealing with my shame.
I imagine I took copious notes during his sermon on avoiding stupid mistakes. I've made some stupid mistakes in my life and lived with regret over them vowing to never be that stupid again. I bet I loved this message.
For me, this message would have been the voice of evil for sure. My regret over my "stupid mistakes" and my vow to never make the same mistakes again kept me from ever having any sorrow over what had happened. It kept me from grieving what was lost for me in those scenes. I produced a push inside of me to take care of myself by being smart and learning my lesson. It kept me from recieving God's loving embrace and left me standing in front Him accounting for my stupidity and vowing to never disappoint Him like that again.
I let E shred the tape.
Take that Satan...HA! Vanquished by the playful antics of a two year old. I love it.
